vegawriters (vegawriters) wrote in pyramidofdreams,

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New Member - I come bearing gifts of Fic :)

Title: Chasing Athena
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Rating: R
Pairing: Starbuck/Anders
Spoilers: Up through 4.19
Disclaimer: I only dream of being able to touch Ron Moore. Someday, I might even get to work with him. Right now, all I can do is take his toys out and play with them. Hopefully when I put them back, we all have a better understanding of how they work. I don’t get any money for that …

Summary: He sings of a woman, a goddess beyond his sight, a huntress born to strife, beauty personified, strength without stability.

In darkness, he dreams of music and the laughing face of his Goddess …


He dreams in music. The ball thumps against the wood in rhythm. He hums as he goes through his day. He sings of a woman, a goddess beyond his sight, a huntress born to strife, beauty personified, strength without stability. He dreams of star patterns and wars he has never fought in and of a woman with blonde hair and a crooked smile who is beyond the reach of any mortal man. He dreams of being more, of being enough to love her.


The first time he saw her, he knew she was the one. Lost in the mess of cylons firing, fleeing for her very life, she looked at him and he believed in all the mythology of reincarnation and past lives and that souls were meant to walk the world together. In that moment, he believed in love at first sight. When he touched her, she sizzled. When she kissed him, his body awakened. Born to walk together, two halves of the same whole. They worshiped each other and it was frightening and freeing and by the time she left Caprica in desperate need to return Athena’s (her?) arrow to the President, he believed, beyond hope, her promise to return and save him.


He knows when she comes to him that she spent her night in the arms of another man. Knowing better than to challenge or demand a fidelity she cannot yet promise, instead he takes her in his arms and kisses her and thinks that if he can keep his flighty Goddess on the ground then she will no longer have a love affair with the Gods of the stars. He will be grounded and surefooted and she will be at his side. He knows better, but it is a dream, and one he feels he deserves. They have a home here, on New Caprica. They can begin again and leave the past behind.


She can’t walk away but she can’t be with him and he hates himself for keeping her tied. The longer they are together, the closer they become, and he knew she feared the commitment she saw in his eyes. Two sides of the same coin, but where she is flighty and frightened he is sure footed and understanding. She hates herself for her feelings. He just stands there, hand outstretched, waiting.

She loves him. She hates him. She needs him. He needs her. They’d go to the ends of the universe to save each other and she was willing to throw it all away for a tumble into safety with Lee Adama. She doesn’t love Lee, Sam knows that. She loves the memory of safety, the life she led before, when it was her and Zak and she was the daughter of the greatest Commander in the fleet. She loves the high and the thrill and the confusion because safety and comfort are alien to her. Lee represents life on Caprica, life before the cylons attacked. Before she was forced to face her mortality.


This is what he knows: bombs, bullets, resistance, and ducking ahead of the enemy. Logic tells him to run, that Kara will not survive, but his heart forces him forward. He has lost her so many times; he will not lose her again.

How does he know that?

Through the detention center, past dead bodies and fleeing prisoners. She is there and reaching for him but she turns and runs. Wait! She needs something, something more, and he fears the worst – the brainwashing of the cylons. But in her arms is a little girl – a girl who could be theirs – and when he stares at her he cannot help but wonder, somehow, if it happened. Instead, she races past him and, as always, he follows.


The sex is angry. He bites, she claws. They scramble in dark corners and go their separate ways. He cannot forgive her for Lee. She cannot forgive herself. He had hoped their third chance would be different.


She is gone. In a flash of light and an insanity born of determination, she is gone and he is alone. His friends reassure him, first with condolences and then reminders of how she treated him. Now you can move on, they tell him. Instead he turns to the stars, to honor her, to remember her. Perhaps, out there, in the weightless world of complete freedom he will find her and for once, meet her on her turf. He will join her in the skies. She will come back to him. He knows this as surely as he knows in his heart that she is not dead.


She is alive and he is a cylon. He is one of THEM. One of those sacred, mythical beings whom the other cylons sought. He is a traitor and a lie and his wife, his Goddess, will ruin him. He would laugh at the injustice of the universe if he had not come to accept (if not understand) that the Gods, God, whatever, had a higher plan for all. He seeks his history, his reason, and the music returns to his soul. At night, he dreams again of a blonde Goddess, laughing as he searches for words to songs that continue to escape him.


He follows her with a passion and defense born of knowing her through more than one life. She is his and he is hers and they are each others and somehow, he knows all they have been through has happened before and is happening now, and if they do not break the cycle, they will be destined to live it again and again and again. One life would be hard enough. Eternity loving her but unable to walk with her is a hell only those who follow the One True God believe in. Hell is this – Galactica, The Demetrius, Earth. Hell is feeling his memories fade from him and looking into her eyes and seeing her fear and her guilt and wanting to hate her for the decisions she has made but loving her and knowing that she is only a product of what was handed to her. He wants to beg forgiveness of his people and reach for her, but instead he calls to her, begging for more time that he knows she cannot, and will not, give. It has happened before, he knows this.


In darkness, he dreams of music and the laughing face of his Goddess …
Tags: fic
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